I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
