and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
