you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
