she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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