First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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