Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize