my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
