Soap is not a condiment
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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