we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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