you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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