i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
