My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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