i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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