How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
