i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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