Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
