My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
