after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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