I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
