guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
