so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
