Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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