he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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