My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
