absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
