I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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