how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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