Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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