i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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