I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
