on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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