It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
