My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
