Kiss
Puke
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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