69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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