A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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