I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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