I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize