Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
