I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
