Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im holly from the hills drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
