My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
