Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
