we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
