I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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