i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
