Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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