he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
