Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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