Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
