you have to choose: penises or morals?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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