never play flip cup with pint glasses
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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