Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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