Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
