The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
