I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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