Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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