I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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