That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
