dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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